Wherein I let you peek at the sticky inner workings of my brain

I like to plan things and have a tendency to get a little obsessive compulsive about it, which, as my pal Monk says, is a blessing...and a curse. For example, I’ve been mentally – and meticulously – packing for our trip to Provo for, oh, the last three months or so. You might think this means I’m really on top of things, but if you knew what went on inside my brain, you might think instead that I need a therapist.

Because fact: I’ve seriously spent the last few days debating whether or not I should bring my brown pants with me. Because who knows? I might want to wear them while I’m there. After all, having options, especially with a very small maternity wardrobe, is nice. But if I did that, I wouldn’t be able to wear them on Friday, like I had originally planned, because I would need to include them, along with my khaki pants, in my Friday Laundry Plans (to, of course, maximize my vacation wardrobe possibilities and because I have a Pack Clean Clothes Only policy). I can’t wear jeans to work, so I’d be left with wearing my black pants that day, but I was planning to wear the black pants to Blake’s graduation ceremony on Saturday, and I wouldn’t have enough clean (or dry) shirts for both days. Which makes me think that I should just stick to the original wear-the-brown-pants-on-Friday plan and tell the part of me that might want to wear them on vacation to shove it.

Any votes yet for therapy? Seriously. I’m totally raising my hand on this one.

Thinking like this does not help when trying to plan my life – which, of course, I like to try to do. Every time Blake gets an offer for a job interview, I start mapping out what our lives will be like should he be offered, and accept, said job. I research the area, figuring in key elements like the average monthly rent for a 2-bedroom apartment, the cost of living, the crime rate, etc, because if there is even only a remote possibility that we could live there, I would need to know these things so that I could plan accordingly. Unfortunately, I usually end up discovering things that don’t exactly mesh with my plans (because, of course, my brain works in that it often starts planning before any research is done), and then I start to hyperventilate and get worried about how we’re ever going to make it. And I do this all BEFORE he even goes in for the actual interview! I’m nuts, I tell you!

Case in point: Yesterday afternoon Blake was offered a phone interview for a potentially fabulous job that he applied for online late last week. The job, should he end up getting it, would take us to New Jersey. I, being the wacky planner that I am, of course got online last night and started researching the area. And I, who has that wacky tendency to view as set in stone what is still only a remote possibility, got a little concerned about our future well-being. The job is based in an apparently nice and well-to-do area of Northern New Jersey – it’s practically a suburb in NYC. So, of course, the cost of living is through the roof. Having spent the majority of my married, adult life in the Midwest, I can’t quite fathom how people can afford to live like this. By all accounts, it could certainly be a lovely place to live. I’m just not sure how feasible it would be.

I voiced my premature concerns to Blake, and while he, too, was blown away at how expensive it is to live there, he also had to remind me that he hasn’t even had the interview yet. Of course I had to acknowledge that he was right, even though my wacky, complicated brain won’t completely drop it yet. Good grief. I think that maybe I really do need a therapist. Either that or a new brain.

Does anybody else out there think like this? And if so, are you interested in teaming up to form a support group? :)