When I signed up to join The Motherhood Club, I had a vague notion that doing so entailed things like getting pooped on and long, wakeful nights. I knew that it would require a lot of work, money, energy, and commitment to make sure that my child was fed, clothed, and comfortable. I was aware that I would be accountable for his safe-keeping and good, well-rounded upbringing.
But when I signed up to join The Motherhood Club, no one told me, or really even hinted at, just how horrible it is to have that child get sick. They didn't mention how truly frightening it is to watch his temperature climb to 104.3 and hover there for nearly 24 hours, how awful it is watch him lay limp and lethargic, how terrible it would be to listen to his feverish moaning cry. I wasn't informed that sometimes the doctors can't make a diagnosis, that they can be just as puzzled and intensely concerned as I am over my child's health. No one told me how eager I would be to drop absolutely everything and walk to the ends of the earth if it would make him feel better. No one mentioned how scary it is to know that sometimes all you can do is make him as comfortable as possible and wait. And wait. And wait.
But then again, when I signed up to join The Motherhood Club, no one told me how intensely relieved I would feel when the fever finally broke, how overjoyed I would be to watch my happy, smiley baby start to come back to me.
No one told me, when I signed up to join The Motherhood Club, just how much I would love my little boy, and I think I'm glad they didn't. Love that intense is beautiful, but first it has to be gut-wrenchingly painful. Sometimes it's just better to sign up for something wonderful not fully knowing what the ride will be like.
11 comments:
Oh man Linds. Sounds like it's been a rough couple of days. But what a profound post! Really, truly, moving.
Amen! It is so hard to watch your kids be sick. I'm glad he's doing better. Doesn't it surprise you how much you can love someone? Joining the "Motherhood Club" is certainly an eye-opener!
No one told you because there are no words sufficient to convey that totally unique and complex journey. I admit you did an impressive job describing it, but being told ahead of time wouldn't have meant much. In fact, sometimes I wonder if people did tell me some of these things I think I'm the first person to experience as a mother, but I just didn't hear. My own mother gets an enormous kick out of hearing my amazement at every new maternal revelation and injustice.
Getting through the first big sickness is a rite of passage, a natural hazing. Welcome to The Club!
Lindsay,
I'm so glad garrett is doing better. On a happy note, I made your crockpot applesauce, it was wonderful!
I remember the first time my first baby was sick. It's gutwrenching! Glad you all made it through.
My Mom always told me that I couldn't really know how much she loved me until I had my own children. She was right. I didn't really understand... until I had my own. It is amazing. Wonderful post!
Beautifully beautifully put.
There's a lot of fine print they don't tell you about! 104 in an infant is scary - sounds like you've had quite the week so far. I'm glad that Garrett's feeling a bit better and that you can have some peace of mind.
Thanks for sharing - you describe things so well.
Oh, sweetie. That is the worst. No one told me either, although they may have tried and I just couldn't understand until I was in those shoes. I have to second the motion--the one thing these experiences taught me is how much my own mom loves me. I remember asking her in the early weeks how I was ever supposed to have enough of this painful love for more than one child, ever. I still don't have the answer to that question but hope I will soon!
I'm so glad your little carrot is better.
I can't even imagine what a ride being a mom is. I'm looking forward to it at the same time as it scares. me. spitless.
But I love seeing my friends experiencing it--it is so, so beautiful.
What a blessed little babe he is. I'm so glad he's on the better side of things. There really isn't a love quite like that of a mom toward her child, is there?
bittersweet times. 104 for over a day? I would have gone crazy. I'm so glad our little Carrot didn't "overcook" and it back to normal. Hang in there, Mommy!
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