Still Siiiiiiiick

I still feel crummy, and, because I’m having a rather difficult time thinking straight and writing coherently, I seriously toyed with the idea of just totally skipping out today. But I couldn’t because I know that I have loyal readers out there (yes, I’m tracking you – feel free to come forward. I won’t bite) who I just can’t bring myself to disappoint. After all, some of them have come a long way just to read what I have to say (which is honestly quite flattering. Thank you, Loyal Readers!). So I’m going to post. (I hope you’re happy.)

But let’s be honest with ourselves: I feel like at any moment I could just wither into a crumpled ball onto my couch. I’m in no position to truly write. So I’m going to let one of my favorite passages from one of my favorite children’s novels do the talking. I hope it makes you laugh like it makes me laugh!

from The View from Saturday
by E. L. Konigsburg

I wondered if I should bring a gift. It was always better to bring something. I didn’t know what. I suspected that sports equipment was out. Books: He probably had as many books as the library. Video game? Wrong. Clothes: NO! Then, when I was in the shower, a word dropped from the showerhead. Puzzle. That was it. That was exactly it. A puzzle would be the perfect present for Julian Singh. The video store at the mall had dozens of different puzzles that were not electronic. I had seen three-dimensional puzzles and jigsaw puzzles that had a different picture printed on either side.

I didn’t want to tell anyone that I was going to a party. A tea party of all things. I hardly believed it myself. I needed a way to get to the mall, so on the Saturday of the party, I asked Mother to please drop me off at the mall on the way home from the market. She asked me why, as I knew she would, and I told her that I had to a buy a present for a party I was going to later that afternoon. Mother was not pleased. She liked to get home right after market so we could unload the truck and straighten out the accounts. She said all right – not gladly – and told me that she would wait in the truck while I made my purchase.

Why couldn’t she come into the mall and browse like a normal woman? Why? Because she knew there was no better way to get me to hurry.

I hopped down from the truck and ran to the video game store. As luck would have it, no salesperson pounced on me the minute I entered. If I had been there to browse, not buy, they would have. Now, I had to practically beg for attention. High on top of the shelves stocked with closed cartons of games of every sort was a display of jigsaw puzzles. There were picture puzzles of waterfalls, 1,000 pieces. There was another one that was a painting of water lilies done in a very loose way. Still another had a picture of a waterfall on one side and a picture of a koala bear on the other. One was a totally white circle. That would be tough because there would be no pattern to help a person line up the pieces. I decided on that one. Two salesclerks were standing at one end of the counter talking. I walked toward them and had to say “Excuse me” twice. I pointed to the puzzle I wanted and said I would like it gift wrapped.

“That’s number four-sixty-two. We’re all out.”

“Then why do you have it on display?

“It’s very popular. We’re expecting another shipment next week.”

“I need it today,” I said. “It’s all right with me if you sell me the sample.”

“I can’t.”

“Why? I don’t need a discount or anything just because it’s the display. I’ll pay full price.”

The clerk said, “The models are glued together, see, and pasted on a board. So how else do you think they stay up?”

I looked around. “Then I’ll take the one that has two different pictures. The one next to the all-white one.”

“We’re out of that one, too.”

“Could you please check your stock in the back?”

“I checked this morning. We don’t have it. We have the heart-shaped one in stock.”

I looked it over. Instead of a circle, it was shaped like a heart. It was all pink except for a small red heart within the large pink one. Although it wouldn’t be quite as difficult as the all-white circle, it, too, would be hard. But it was pink. Pink! Even on Valentine’s Day, for a Valentine’s Day party, I wouldn’t consider giving a pink heart to another guy. “I’ll take the water lilies then.”

“That’s one of our most popular puzzles,” the clerk said. “It’s a reproduction of a famous painting by an impressionistic French artist who was famous.”

“Does that mean you are out of it, too?”

“’Fraid so.”

I thought of Mother waiting in the truck. “Okay,” I said, “give me the heart-shaped one. And gift wrap it, please.” How could a store that seemed so un-busy be sold out of all the good stuff?

“That will take a while,” the clerk said.

“Can you hurry? Please?”

“Not if you want me to do a good job.”

“Medium,” I said. “Can you do a medium job in a hurry?”

The salesclerk smiled and called to her fellow worker. She asked him to do the gift wrap as she rang up the sale. Then while we both waited, she asked, “Is that a present for your girlfriend?”

I knew it. I knew it. My choice was not half wrong, it was all wrong. I was on the verge of asking her to take it back and give me a refund when the clerk emerged from the back room carrying the puzzle box all wrapped in pink paper. I thought I was going to die. Then I thought of Mother waiting in the truck and asked for a bag to carry it in.

Mother folded the newspaper she was reading. She turned the key in the ignition before she asked, “What did you get?”

“A puzzle.”

“Good idea,” she replied.

“Yeah, about twenty minutes ago, I thought so, too.”

By the way, where is this party?”

“The Sillington house.”

“Well,” Mother said, “I’ll bet you’ll have good food. I hear that Mr. Singh is a wonderful cook.”

“I don’t guess I’ll be finding that out. I’m only going for tea.”

“For tea?” Mother asked, a broad smile breaking across her face. “Tea?” she repeated.

I wished I could bite off my tongue. How in the world had I let that piece of information escape? “Yes,” I said. “For tea. It’s a tea party, and tea is always at four.”

(If you want to read more, which of course I know you'll want to because this book is fabulous AND it's a Newbery winner, you can buy it at Amazon.com. I’d link you directly to the book, but apparently Amazon.com is feeling crummy today, too.)