On Being the Wife of a Graduate Student

I believe in education and life-long learning. I worked hard in elementary, junior high, and high school so that I could go to college. During college, I even pursued a degree in education. Education has always been a matter of great importance to me, and I don’t see my opinion on that subject changing any time soon. I plan to spend my life learning, whether it be through outlets such as reading on my own time, attending the occasional community education course, or perhaps one day pursuing a graduate degree. Education for me did not end when I received a high school diploma, it didn’t end when I earned a bachelors degree, and it apparently also didn’t end when I got married.

I don’t plan for my education to ever end, and yet I never thought I’d become the wife of a graduate student.

On some levels, being the wife of a graduate student is pretty much what I expected it would be. It is a busy life, full of deadlines, long papers, and photocopied articles coming out my ears, and tuition is expensive. We are, on some level, living a bohemian life – on the edge as our meager savings requires us to find creative methods of survival, meanwhile enjoying the small adventures we experience together.

At the same time, though, being the wife of a graduate student is much more complex. It is helping my husband anxiously search for a much-needed assistantship. It is making timely and fulfilling meals, doing the dishes, washing the clothes, and keeping the house dusted and clean so that Blake can have peace of mind as he finds the time to prepare to re-take the GRE, searches for schools that would provide a good academic environment for the pursuit of a doctorate, and keeps up with other research projects. It is editing Blake’s many papers, and helping to boost his confidence when he gets panicky about one thing or another. Not to mention it is supporting him as he keeps up with everyday coursework, and canceling other plans so that we can time to relax, to just sit and be with each other.

Sometimes being the wife of a graduate student is difficult. It is hard to be lonely as you watch your husband work from one deadline to another – earning a master’s degree is not an easy thing, even when it is earned vicariously through your husband. It is hard to be without a part of him as his mind is working to grasp a new concept while you eat dinner or sit alone together. It is painful sometimes to wonder how you’ll make rent one month, not to mention groceries or that major car repair. It’s hard to go every day to a job you dislike even though you know that right now it’s your turn to support the family. And it’s hard to be surrounded by others your age who apparently don’t have to worry about money or securing full-time jobs in quite the same way as you. It’s annoying to worry about how you’ll possibly survive the next phase of his education: will we be able to afford to start the family we so desperately want? Will he get accepted to a university that will pay him to be there, or will we have to once again scrounge for a decent job and face up to the mounting student loans? Will we ever get ahead, will we remain in a position that allows for health insurance, how will we afford the next move, and will that move be to a location with a manageable cost of living? So many questions, and so much waiting. Waiting is hard.

But lest you think that I am miserable in my current position as the wife of a graduate student, let me tell some of the rewards we are and soon will be reaping. A higher education definitely has its benefits, some of which are tangible and some of which are more abstract. When he’s finally finished, he will be eligible for a job that will provide good financial security. He will also have become acquainted with other brilliant minds. Through these graduate degrees I am earning vicariously, I am gathering in a wealth of both trivial and substantial information and knowledge. In the process of gaining this education, we are both living and learning from some valuable experiences, we are meeting wonderful people, and we will both one day be all the wiser for having survived the difficulties and sacrifices this process of education required. And it must be said that being tied to a university is not a bad thing. Universities are centers for culture and learning, beautiful buildings filled with mounds of knowledge in the forms of books, people, and random-yet-enlightening bulletin board displays. You just can’t find stuff like that in a sprawling business park.

A post graduate education is not easy, but I know that it will be worth the energy and tears and sacrifices it took to achieve. So, no, I am not miserable. I am actually quite happy with where I am, despite how hard it is sometimes. I won’t say that being the wife of a graduate student is a cake-walk, but every once in a while I get a piece of that delicious, educational chocolate cake. And it tastes good.