dear caleb

Dear Caleb,

Today you are one month old, and, as if in celebration of this milestone, you've decided to reach another of (I think) equal caliber: you're just now coming to terms with your binky, and that is, in my opinion, a very beautiful thing. However, despite the lack of control you have over your own mobility, your tiny thumbs have frequently managed to find their way to your mouth, and when they do, you like to furiously suck on them until your arms spontaneously flail in the other direction. It is darling, and it makes me happy to think that someday, perhaps even soon, you will be soothing yourself.

Right now, though, you are a very fussy baby, and the only sure way we can calm you down is by swaddling you tight, holding you close, and rocking or patting you. It is exhausting, this incessant desire to be constantly held. But, as wearisome as it is for me to keep you in my arms, wrapped securely like a tiny peanut, I still treasure the moments when you sweetly cuddle against my body, and I know that I will miss these days when they have passed.

Your Grandma Nancy is here now visiting and with her you've accomplished an impressive series of firsts. On Sunday, exactly four weeks after you were born, you attended church in the Bensonhurst Ward for the first time. You slept soundly through most of the services, but that didn't stop me from briefly (and proudly) introducing you to my Primary children. Earlier this week you went for your first ride on the subway, joining Garrett, Grandma, and I on an errand to Target and Old Navy (where we found you and your brother the most adorable matching Halloween costumes). Yesterday, as a one-month-old seasoned pro, you rode the subway again, this time for your first visit to Manhattan. You handled the pace of our outing remarkably well -- which makes it all the more likely that I'll want to adventure into the city with you again. You are also on the brink of giving us your first social smiles, and maybe this first will happen before Grandma goes back home. I am excited to see you start smiling; the gassy glimpses you've already given us are too precious for words.

You continue to be a very good eater, which is a real treat for both of us. I love it when you hold tightly onto my fingers as you gaze up at me while sucking firmly on your bottles. You are a sweet, sweet boy, and I am lucky to have you in my life.

Love,
Mama