Ants In Pants

I'm feeling antsy today. And I'm not sure why. Actually, I am sure why... an impending vacation and escape from regular life is just around the corner. And it's making my day pass by entirely too slowly.

So, I feel antsy. Kind of like I've got ants in my pants. Which is not a pleasant feeling. And I know this from experience.

My second grade year was an eventful one. That was the year Jason ran through the window because he wasn't looking as he was attempting to catch a football. That was also the year Martha stopped speaking to me because I told her she drew crooked lines. And it was the year I got ants in my lovely blue corduroy pants with the heart patches on the knees.

Sometime near the end of recess one day, I found a busy colony of red ants on the asphalt kickball field. They were fascinating to watch, hurriedly running about in aimless circles. Trying carefully not to step on any, I positioned my feet close their hill. Then I crouched in for a closer view. In was so entranced by their mesmerizing movements, I didn't notice that some of them had begun mistaking my clean white tennis shoes for their ant hill home. And the next thing I knew, they were crawling up blue my corduroy pants.

Naturally, I freaked out, because, really, who likes ants in their pants? It certainly wasn't my idea of a pleasant way to end recess. In a panic, I flicked as many as I could off my shoes. I lifted up my pants to mid-shin and flicked the ants on my legs off as well. I shuddered, several times, then gave my legs an obligatory scratch. And then I ran in to tell my teacher, Miss Nielson, that I might not live to the end of the day because of the horrible venom I'm sure the ants had injected into me by way of my vulnerable pasty white legs.

Miss Nielson was sympathetic, or possibly just grossed out. Either way, she sent me to the little girls room for as long as I needed so I could inspect the rest of my legs for more ants. Safely inside a stall, I picked a few more ants off of my pale white legs, then began the thorough inspection of the damage those horrible ants may have incurred on my delicate skin. Turned out all I ended up with was a few red ant bites, which tickled just enough to make me think there were still a few ants crawling around inside my pants. Also, they were itchy. Boy were they itchy!

Itchy kind of in the same way that I feel now.